That's pretty much the only thing that came from me while listening to my two classmates discussing about their applications to further their studies overseas. Those two remarks are just the simplified version of what I was really thinking at the time:
IELTS? You already did that?
British Council? Where's that?
Credit transfer? What's that?
How did you people know these things??
I have the same desire to study in the UK. But I'm ignorant enough not to think that I might actually have to put so much effort (besides getting good results) just to qualify. What was I thinking? Did I really think that by just getting As (and a few B+) I will magically be flown off to some high-profile varsity in Britain? Did it never crossed my mind that I have to start preparing now? Now I'm really frustrated with myself.
And that's not all. Those researches and tests that they did (or are about to do) are just to apply for a place. Which means, funding is another process altogether. And my friend Miss A said you have to do some serious work to get a scholarship. Essays, tests, not to mention all sorts of other pre-requisites.
WHAT DO I DO??
I don't have any siblings studying abroad like my two friends there. And unlike them, I don't have enough financial resources to go anywhere should I not get a scholarship. I don't even know what kind of scholarships there are available for me, and how to apply.
Worst of all, I have no idea what I should do first. Should I do a research on the available varsities first? Or focus on getting the funding? If I do manage to find a sponsor, will it determine where I would go? Or do I have to be accepted from a university first, then only will they consider my application? Or is it the other way round? Do I have to get a sponsor before I can be accepted anywhere?
According to Miss A, some universities require the students to send in documents to prove that they can afford to pay the fees (which can be up to £11,000 per year) and I don't see how I could do that. But can I get a scholarship if I have not yet apply for any universities? The same questions remain.
I will now find some clue on what actually can I do to be one step (or even half step) closer to what I failed to get last time. This is the time to get even with some of my high school friends who got to go everywhere around the globe when I had to stay put (curse you, Sejarah). Of course I see the silver lining that is my friends here in the Malay community, but I would like to see other people and other places. But then again, don't we all?
All in all, I don't keep my hopes up too high. I'm afraid that I might no be able to face failure again.