Friday, June 17, 2011

Spilt milk

I cried over it. For a full ten minutes while talking to my friend on the phone. Darn it. I thought I am stronger than that. It's not like it was a big surprise or anything. I fully expected the appalling result.

The really funny thing is, the first thought that came to my mind was "does this mean I have to give up K-pop?" LOL. Me and my K-fever.

But then I realized that K-pop has got nothing to do with my fall. I mean, my life during the entire semester was devoid of anything K-pop, except once when Super Junior M released a new video.

The real reason for the disheartening result was my lack of will power. Sure, I can blame it on my active participation in the students' association, which made my schedules a tad bit unmanageable, causing sleep deprivation, lethargy, and some other made-me-can't-concentrate-in-class alibis. My friends can testify to those.

But I know for a fact that I could've done better. I know I didn't push myself hard enough. Yes, that is so cliché, but that is the truth. You know what I mean. Those times when you're tired and lacking the enthusiasm to do anything, but what make you not do anything is not the fatigue, but the lack of enthusiasm.

Am I feeling regretful? A bit. Am I sad? Sure. Academic achievement is important in my life and in my household, and it has been one of the few things that I can attain.

I'm not writing this to show off , nor to air my dirty laundry. Am I writing this for the greater good of mankind, as a lesson for us all, so that I can save some innocent souls from falling into the same dismal, lightless abyss of apathy towards education? Nope. And I'm not punishing myself either when I put the result here.

Maybe I just want to give an excuse. Maybe I want to feel some joy (yes, writing does give me some sort of enjoyment). Maybe I'm not thinking straight, and that I might pull this down when my senses come back. I could imagine the future Farah saying "What the hell was I thinking?! Why do I like to embarrass myself so much??"

But for now, I want you, dear reader, to be my audience for a while. Support me in my quest to be better next time. Please don't mention about this to me. I do not want to talk about this. Say "you can do it Farah" and I'll understand. It will mean so much to me, and your words shall be a reminder of what I want to achieve. I promise I'll put my next result here. Then we shall compare, shall we?


  1. Farah...!!! You are just doing great... Nanti kita study together okay even the syllabus are totally not the same! Hik hik hik...

  2. thank you Syara~ yes nanti kita study skali ok? yay~ hahaha

  3. You have done it before, girl. You can do it again. Definitely!

  4. u can do much better than that,farah. i have faith in u :)